remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
