I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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