Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
