I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
