we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
