Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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