my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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