and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
