someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
