no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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