he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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