We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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