is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
