i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
