Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
