Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
