The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
