he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
