i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
