covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
