I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
