yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
