Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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