To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
