Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
