i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
