On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
