YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
