ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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