i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yo dont text me then not text me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
