u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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