apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this just has baby written all over it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
