i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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