New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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