Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
