I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
