my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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