i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
