Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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