There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
