I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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