im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your cock deserves a montage
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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