in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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