This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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