my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
