Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
