i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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