this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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