SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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