if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
