he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
