shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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