My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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