You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
